Thursday, January 30, 2014

How I'd Survive a Prison Sentence

I was reading Kate's blog, Another Clean Slate, today, and she posted about "How I'd Survive a Zombie Apocalypse".  This is not only something I think about all the time a lot, but it is something I love to ask people.  She also mentioned how she would survive in prison which leads me to this post. 
I knew I wanted to also blog about surviving in prison because my husband and I actually had this conversation last weekend.  I know I wouldn't survive in prison.
This topic came up last weekend because I was pretty excited about Season 2 of Orange is the New Black.  Last Fall, I started watching the show, and I really liked it.  Sure some episodes are slower than others, but overall it was really good.  Plus the ending to Season 1 was pretty awesome.  I won't spoil it if you haven't seen it.

Anyways, I can name so many reasons why I would not survive in prison, but I will break it down into just a few that stand out right away with me.  First, I am not strong enough or boisterous enough to NOT become someone's bitch the day I walked in there.  My husband knows it and I know it.  Enough said.

Second, it is very well known that I love fashion, make-up and the finer things in life.  When you are in prison, you don't get those things or much of those things.  I am sure I could last a few days, but to look like a slob each and everyday, to not straighten/curl my hair everyday, to not wear much make-up if any and to have to wear an ugly orange, black, grey or whatever color uniform/prison garb would be a nightmare.  Plus you have to wear some ugly Keds or black boots, and that is just not my thing.  I am sure I would get used to it because I would have no other choice, but doesn't mean I would do it willingly.

Next, I love food.  I can also be pretty picky when it comes to food.  So eating crap, moldy sandwiches or something that resembles meat would make me starve myself.  I would basically melt away into nothing.  I doubt they serve sushi in prison.  *Insert typical tuna dirty joke here*

I think the only things I could actually handle about prison would be the workout time, copious amounts of TV and reading.  I enjoy working out, so I would become super buff and maybe make someone my bitch after that (haha, ok maybe not).  
You can watch all the TV (I am assuming here) your heart desires.  Now it might not be the tv shows you want to watch, but you can still watch as much as you want.  And you can read everything under the sun.  Want to learn a different language?  I am sure they have books you can read.  Romance novels your thang?  I am sure they have those too.

But when it comes down to it, I don't think I could survive prison.  I would have to figure out a way to break out of the show Prison Break.  I loved that show for the first two seasons and then it wasn't as good, but I still watched it through the end.  I loved Wentworth Miller.  He made it seem so easy to break out of prison and take everyone and their moms with them (ok maybe it was people).

Do you think you could survive prison or the zombie apocalypse?
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  1. Ha! I'm glad you wrote this. I have faith you would survive. Maybe you could do people's hair like the woman in Orange is the New Black? When does this new season start?!

    1. I could definitely do the hair, but I would be scared of girls like Crazy Eyes. The new season doesn't have a start date other than sometime in Spring. They are just finishing up filming the final scenes, so hopefully soon. Are you a fan?