Tuesday, June 10, 2014

I Fear

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Two nights I had a dream or what I recall as being very real life scenario.  I was down right scared when I woke up (I swear I wasn't sleeping, but I was) and I couldn't get back to sleep.  Hence why I was beyond tired yesterday.

Last week I was reading Raven's post about her fears in life.  I was reading this nodding my head because I too torture myself with thoughts of something farfetched happening to me.  Sometimes these aren't so farfetched.  She gave an explanation about a killer escaping from a county fair.  He had killed an elderly woman and was put in a metal institution.  They sometimes let patients into public and this was one of the cases.  The guy escaped and was thought to be headed towards her hometown.  She tortured herself with the thoughts he would come to her door

I did this to myself in college.  There was a guy prowling around campus sneaking (I called it breaking in) into rooms of college students and either just watching them or pleasuring himself in there.  Everyone knew that these would escalate into something else which there are thoughts that he is the same guy who killed Briana Denison, James Biela (here in Reno, Nevada).  He had preyed on others before killing Denison and some think he started off with this disturbing behavior.

Anyways, I knew since I lived near campus (right next to it), he was going to stalk my room next.  I lived next to campus in an old sorority house with 7 other people.  Yes 7, it was hectic and not that great.  I lived on the bottom floor with another girl and I always told her he was going to come into our house and kill me.  It could definitely happen since we fit the profile, our house was rarely locked with that many roommates and I am a total worrier.  Well luckily it never happened, but the incidents did escalate.  Sadly.

But getting back to my dream last night.  I woke up (but thought this was really happening) screaming at the top of my lungs scurrying to my side of the bed and almost falling out of bed.  I swore I saw a man standing there getting ready to kill my husband, my dog and myself.  I can even tell you what he was wearing and what he looked like.  I thought we were being robbed and murdered right then and there.  My husband had to grab me and bring me back to reality.  I was crying, my heart was pounding and I was scared.  This has happened to me about three times in my life.  All of them seemed so real.  I guess this is one of my biggest fears.  Someone breaking into my house to come kill me.  Twisted little mind I have. 

So I am taking cue from Raven and listing out my other fears.

- Death by a shark.  More specifically death by a great white shark.  I feed my fear and watch anything and everything shark related.  I record as much of Shark Week as I can and watch in fear.  I need to know everything and anything to prepare for a shark attack.  Especially since I go in the ocean maybe twice a year.

- Home invasion.  I grew up watching Unsolved Mysteries and fearing that someone would break into my house to steal everything, tie me up and either kill me or torture me.  I pictured it happening over and over and would check the doors and freak out when I was alone as a kid.  This one has sadly became true, but we were not home.  Our house was broken into in June 2011 while we were at work.  Probably why I had that dream two nights ago.

- Driving and something falls off a truck, crashes through my windshield and kills me.  We have all seen it happen on Final Destination.

- Death in general.  Have you ever sat there and thought about the reality of life and death?  You are only on this earth for X number of years and then you are gone.  Then you don't exist anymore and the world still goes on without you.  Your existence will never be again and our lives are just too short.  Scary thought.

What are you fears?  Am I the only one with these crazy thoughts?  I promise tomorrow's post will be more uplifting.


  1. Sounds like you need to quit watching the news, scary movies, and shark week! Don't torture yourself by feeding your fears. Especially before bed!

    1. Haha, probably true. I have learned to not watch those before bed. Weird thing is, I was watching a cooking show before bed. How did a cooking show manifest into a burglar?